Expectations/Standards – too low?

I am a mother of two boys and I have noticed more now than ever the difference in standards when it comes to boys versus girls. It seems as though society has a lower level of expectations for men than women and this is extremely frustrating on many levels for me. Why is it an accepted and normal way of thinking that men will always lust after women. I have heard many say “they can look but not touch”, “boys will be boys”, and “they have needs”. I know women who allow their husbands/boyfriends to go to strip clubs, and this is acceptable? WHAT! Why would we let men settle to this way of thinking? Why would we let our significant other devalue a woman in such a way. How about the fact that they are disrespecting the one they are with? They are strong and very capable with resisting these behaviors; they are not mindless animals. The women that are playing into this stereotype often feel like this is the way to satisfy their men and keep them happy by not putting boundaries on them – Really! These women need to get a backbone and pick men that love them and are completely devoted to them, these are the men that do not need external stimulation to feel satisfied. Enough is enough with this weak view of men and women putting up with this substandard type of relationship.

I can’t handle that everything from food, cars, drinking, and sports (just to name a few) are sold with sex. Let’s be real they are not selling to women they are trying to entice men. Even our consumer market thinks males are mindless animals and if I were a man I would be insulted. This is the very struggle I have with raising my sons. I am very aware that men and women are completely different. I also understand that men are more physical by nature than women, however to believe that they can not live without subjectifying women is absurd. Society is guilty of putting this on our men and not expecting more from them. It is a known fact that individuals rise to expectations that are set for them, with knowing this we need to set higher ones.

Our men need to stand up too. Peer pressure from other men is just as bad as the constant bombarding that they get everyday from the media and society. We need to teach our sons that they are not weird and need to have standards. Not falling into these social norms does not lesson their manhood at all.

Allowing men to be a stereotype is also damaging to Marriages. These sacred relationships cannot thrive when one partner is behaving this selfishly. This lack of respect is appalling and so hurtful. It is a horrible example for children and again I will go back to how this hurts when raising them. A lot of times this is a cycle and and how can we expect young boys to resist this lifestyle when they are bombarded via the media, friends, and now . . . parents.

I love my boys and I want them to thrive in healthy relationships. I am truly blessed that their father is an amazing example of how unselfish devotion can grow a marriage. Let’s not forget that a marriage takes both partners giving all of themselves all of the time. Raising our children to believe differently will ultimately require a societal shift. This may seem overwhelming, but I know these types of changes begin at home.

-J

Top 10 Reasons (not) to Date a Married Man

1.) You enjoy being lonely.

Dating a married man means you get second best. You’re always going to be penciled in when it is most convenient for HIM. Looking forward to spending Friday night with your boo? Nah girl, he’s with his family. But he’ll get back to you on Tuesday.

2.) You like showing up for the holidays alone.

Man! Nothing like Grandma asking “So when are you going to bring a man home to meet us?” for the 5th year in a row. You’re thinking to yourself, sure! I’d love to. But guess what, again, he’s with his family. But I’m sure he’ll buy you a nice bracelet on December 27th to make up for it.

3.) You don’t like commitment.

You’d rather be lonely – dreaming of a life with him. He may always complain about his “real life.” He may always talk to you about a dream life committed to you some day. But how long has he been saying that? Right. Move on, chick. As shallow as he may be, he’s not going to leave #1. Shame on you for trying to break up a family.

4.) You’re interested in weak men.

Yes, why have a strong man with honest values when you can have a weak one that runs from his problems. 🙂 If he’s willing to cheat on her, he will cheat on you too. Clearly he cannot handle when things get tough at home and would rather run off to cheat. Some day if things get rocky with you, he’ll run away from you too.

5.) You like having the LEAST of both worlds.

While your married man is living it up, having his cake and eating it too, you’re hiding & alone. Nooo, you’ll never resent him for having it all while you have nothing.

6.) You’ve dreamed of being a home-wrecker.

Eventually you’re going to lose his respect. As shallow as he is, he’s going to start to resent you for settling with such a broken and flawed relationship. Can’t you do any better than that? & while he’s living it up at home with everything he needs, you’re left lonely known as the one who did or almost wrecked a home. This happens when you have no respect or care for children growing up without their daddy.

7.) You hate other women and want to see them fail.

Forget all this women equality and women empowerment we are all into these days. You’d rather see them BURN! You’re thinking, if I can’t have him – NO ONE CAN! You have no respect for other women. You want every woman to have trust issues and you want every man of their future to be punished for that.

8.) You enjoy watching time pass you by.

Ever notice how time goes much quicker the older you get? Did you notice his words tend to speak louder than his actions? But that’s what you’re into, right? The thought of him telling you how beautiful you are on February 15th rather than the 14th. Sure honey. He’ll leave his wife next month and you can fly away to Hawaii like you both have been talking about for… wow… it’s been 5 years already?

9.) You like to listen rather than share.

You’re out to dinner with your best gal pal and she cannot stop talking about her husband and their new child! You want so badly to share in the excitement and tell her the new shiny gift you got from your boo, but wait… you have to live in secret.

10.) You like to question yourself and your worth.

Nothing like spending another Saturday night alone. Man, you’d really like to be out on a date tonight but darn – he’s with the family again. You start to wonder “Why am I doing this?” “Who am I?” But at least you get a couple hours squeezed in next week, right?

Disclaimer: this is satirical in nature. Complete sarcasm. In no way shape or form am I telling you to date married men. However, this is not a joke. These are true & very real problems in which families are being destroyed.

Keep it crazy,

K.

RESPECT

I was watching TV and a commercial came on from a local TV station. It showed two males discussing their new talk show that would air this fall. The two were dressed in casual jeans, a tee shirt, and a suit coat. Suddenly, their female co-host entered in a very casual short skirt and tight shirt. So why is she not dressed like her male counter parts? I am not a huge feminist, but at some point we all need to ask ourselves WHY? Is her position less than theirs and/or are they just using her to sell ratings. I have a hard time understanding why this female is asked to wear less than professional attire while the men are wearing suit coats. I hate thinking like this, but this isn’t the first commercial like this from this local TV station. As a professional working woman I want to be valued for my work and my dedication to my department. What would I do if my leadership team asked me to wear a tight skirt and shirt to work during high volume times while they wore suits- let’s just say that this conversation would not go as they would expect, but I don’t work for employers that would ever ask this.

I was sitting at home one night and a commercial came on; it was from a fast food company. The young lady was half naked sitting on top of a car eating a sandwich in a provocative manner. I was so frustrated that I called the company’s home office to complain. I quickly noticed I was not the only one that had the same frustration as the home office set up a line just for complaints about the commercial. In my complaint I said ” I will never eat at your establishment due to your lack of confidence you obviously have in your own product. If you know you have a great product you could stand behind it and would never need to use sex to sell it, it would sell itself”. Well, a few years later they have stopped using this style of commercial to sell their product. I would love to know if removing these adds helped or hurt their sales.

All of this should not just be offensive to the onlooker, it should be to the individual. We women want to complain about the differences in professional settings between men and women from pay, authority, acknowledgement, and respect. However unfortunate, the sad truth is that we are allowing this behavior. If women would take a stand against this type of objectivity it would eventually stop, but it takes us all doing our part. And this can not just be in the lives of everyday women, those in positions to be seen and heard should also should take a stand. This has to be a broad change. We are never going to be taken seriously unless those in respectable, and public settings set a precedence for what is acceptable. I wish those in the public eye would realize what they are communicating to us all about what is acceptable and respectable. We can’t fuss about inadequate pay or higher positions if we are not demanding basic respect. I would like to see how the three staff members from the local TV station are being paid, is it equal? From outside looking in it appears that they do not value the female as much as the men and do not take her as serious, just something cute to look at. I hate this and hope this is not true because this young lady has worked hard and should have the same respect from her employer as the other two. If she is being paid the same she still isn’t being given the same level of respect. Perhaps the commercial was meant to be funny and light hearted, but this is not the first thing that comes to my mind when watching it.

This should not only bother women, but males as well. I am trying to raise two young boys and teach them to respect women. How on earth can I do this effectively when everything coming at them says the exact opposite? The message of the TV station and the message from the young lady says this type of behavior is acceptable. I know this may upset some to read, and I hope it does, it should. We should be upset that women continue to let themselves be used to sell ratings and products and all of this is supposed to be professional….. WHAT? This has always been so frustrating to me. If you want to be respected you first have to respect yourself! Demand respect and carry yourself in a way that shows this.

I love reading books regarding coaching, staff development, professionalism, managing, and productivity. One of the books I am currently reading goes into depth about the do’s and don’ts of women in professional settings. It talks about not to be emotional, the difference in communication styles between women and men, and body language. All of this information is to help women navigate the male dominate work force. Now, this book was written a long time ago and I believe the work force has improved greatly, but it’s bad to think that women seeking professional, higher level jobs have to worry about all these things on top of making sure they are excelling at normal tasks. I wish there was more information/coaching for women in regards to respect for one’s self and how to demand it from others, especially in the professional setting.

Does this frustrate you too?

-J